1. "Bangkok Dangerous." Sometimes films will do really well for simple lack of competition. If a three minute film of John Goodman drooling on himself had been released last week, it would have beaten this in total box-office earnings. The only reason to see a new Nicolas Cage film these days is to take a look at what outrageous hairstyle he's currently sporting.
2. "Tropic Thunder." Every time someone tells me that this is the funniest movie they have ever seen, I sigh a little and then wander quietly back to my apartment, where I lock the door and proceed to weep uncontrollably.
3. "The Dark Knight." Yeah, it was okay.
4. "The House Bunny." Watching the preview for this film is like receiving a sharp, sudden kick to the testicles.
5. "Traitor." Don Cheadle is a national security threat and must be stopped, with deadly force if necessary. He is also starring in this new film.
6. "Babylon A.D." Vin Diesel must save the world by jumping out of an airplane. I think we can all agree this is for the best, assuming he doesn't wear a parachute.
7. "Death Race." I think that NASCAR would be so much more entertaining if the drivers were rewarded points for running over their fans. Someone back me up on this.
8. "Disaster Movie." The existence of this film actually makes other, unrelated comedies less funny. This movie is to humor what genital warts are to human sexuality.
9. "Mamma Mia!" I think I might suffer from clinical depression.
10. "Pineapple Express." Oh, nope, wait a moment. I'm okay now.