Thursday, May 10, 2007

Top at the Box Office This Week

1. "Spider-Man 3," in which Spider-Man faces off against Venom, the Sandman, the New Goblin and Sam Raimi's complete inability to direct honest human drama.

2. "Disturbia." You do realize this is just a teen version of "Rear Window," don't you? You do? Well, okay then.

3. "Fracture" in which Anthony Hopkins WILL EAT YOUR FACE!

4. "The Invisible." Wow, the jokes just write themselves on this one. Basically, it's like "Ghost," only more emotastic.

5. "Next." So is making a shitty Philip K. Dick adaptation like a Hollywood right of passage now? As is standard for these films, they nab the gimmick and skip the subversive paranoia. Though it is nice to see that Nicolas Cage has stopped trying to be a real actor and gone back to selling his soul to the highest bidder.

6. "Lucky You." Has there ever been a film about poker, or even just gambling in general, that didn't make me die a little inside just thinking about it?

7. "Meet the Robinsons," in which Disney tries again to do computer animation without Pixar, and hey guess what? They made another soulless piece of bargain bin shit.

8. "Blades of Glory," a film based on the theory that Will Ferrell doing anything at all is funny.


10. "Are We Done Yet?" FUCK!

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