Oh joy and rapture, it's fall again, the time of year when the world dies in small, painful increments. What a perfect time for the start of the new television season and its vast cornocopia of crap. Here's a look at some of the new shows hitting us this year.
Now here is a promising scenario: 40 kids in the a desert community with plenty of supplies and constant supervision build a "society" with pre-selected leaders and regulated social classes while also engaging in meaningless activities that ostensibly prove their worth as human beings but in fact are empty rituals. Can't imagine where they got the idea for this.
"Back to You"
Kelsey Grammer and that woman from "Everybody Loves Raymond" star in a sitcom about Pittsburg TV newscasters. Did you lapse into a slight coma while reading that? This is the sort of show that will probably last five to ten seasons without a single original thought, surviving simply because the network forgot to cancel it.
A cop show with a twist: It takes place in New Orleans. We will mention this fact over and over, because it is important. We won't make a program that depicts the city with any kind of reality, and we won't make anything better than the most mediocre, clichéd cop show, but just so you know: Katrina Katrina Katrina.
"Chuck" & "The Big Bang Theory"
There is nothing more awkward than watching television shows that painfully try to imitate coolness. Watching them imitate intelligence will probably end up being considered a war crime.
It's the cavemen from those Gieco commercials, in their own television show. This idea is so awful that it has actually gone past being a meta-show about awful television and come back around to just being an awful show.
He's a cop. And a vampire. Holy crap-in-a-hat do I not give a shit about this. Adding vampires to any concept on television automatically marks you as being completely and absolutely creatively bankrupt.