Friday, January 12, 2007

Pretty People, Ugly Souls

Romance Abounds
Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz have confirmed that I don't give a shit. It is rumored that Scarlett Johansson who really gives a flying fuck?

Hail Oprah
On an upcoming Oprah special, three Oscar winners will interview their favorite Oscar winners in a big, fat Hollywood circle jerk of fun. Julia Roberts chose to interview George Clooney, Nicole Kidman chose fellow Australian nutcase Russell Crowe and Jamie Foxx chose to interview Sidney Poitier. So let me get this straight: Roberts and Kidman chose to talk to a pair of Hollywood heartthrobs while Foxx chose to speak to a highly respected actor and a civil rights hero. There is some kind of painful disparity here that I just can't seem to put into words.

Top at the Box Office This Week
1. "Night at the Museum," which is about a dim witted security guard working in a museum in which the displays come to holy living fuck does this sound inane.

2. "The Pursuit of Happyness" which is the inspirational film with the spelling error in the title and a concept so heartwarming I just want to step on something small and defenseless.

3. "Children of Men." Apparently one of the best films of the year with a cool sci-fi concept that might actually get my ass over to the video store once it comes out on DVD (it takes a hell of a lot to get me to the theaters these days).

4. "Freedom Writers" Hilary Swank stars in another entry in an exhausting series of films about teachers who inspire troubled students to make something of their lives but generally inspire me to bore into my own skull with a power drill.

5. "Dreamgirls," which has garnered a lot of mass-produced hype and is looking at getting some awards this year despite the fact that the filmmakers decided to stick to the classic Motown tradition of prefabricated, factory created hits that tend to sound a lot alike over time.

6. "Happily N'Ever After," which is like the "Shrek" films, minus the humor, originality, entertainment value and irritating voice talent. Okay, so that last one is a positive, but it still doesn't make me want to see this piece of shit.

7. "Charlotte's Web," which is kind of creeping me the fuck out, the more I think about it.

8. "The Good Shepherd," which is about the CIA and directed by Robert De Niro and has Angelina Jolie (who makes me a little uncomfortable) and sounds kind of boring so I can see why it's a hit.

9. "Rocky Balboa," which has been pretty successful and has garnered some critical acclaim, which is making me start to think that I've stepped into Opposite World, where good is bad and bad is good.

10. "We Are Marshall," because we all know that Football + Tragedy = Overcoming Adversity = Inspirational Filmmaking = I Would Rather Pull Out My Own Toenails With A Rusty Pair of Pliers Than Go To See This.

No comments: