1. "Jackass Number Two," because apparently there is still endless appeal in watching Johnny Knoxville get hit in the balls by a hammer-wielding midget.
2. "Fearless," which is reported to be Jet Li's final action film before moving on to an acting career.
3. "The Gridiron Gang," which is ANOTHER GODDAMNED FORMULIAC PSUEDO-INSPIRATIONAL MOVIE ABOUT FOOTBALL I MEAN JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I DO NOT GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT SPORTS!
4. "Flyboys," which tells the story of some computer generated action scenes during WWI that are occasionally interrupted by a plot.
5. "Everyone's Hero," the film that even the death of director Christopher Reeve could not stop. Well, I can see how this could be good, I mean WHAT? IT'S AN INPIRATIONAL MOVIE ABOUT BASEBALL? FUCK YOU REEVE, YOU DEAD SON OF A BITCH!
6. "The Black Dahlia," which is directed by Brian De Palma. In a risky move, De Palma decided to ditch the entire story and just film actors exchanging meaningful glances in between rapid jump cuts and explosions of violence.
7. "All the Kings Men," which is the adaptation of the classic Robert Penn Warren novel, has a wonderful cast and a stylish director, and would certainly be an Oscar contender this year were it not marred by the fact that it apparently totally sucks monkey balls.
8. "The Illusionist." Bad accents! Fake beards! Magic! No wonder it's a hit!
9. "The Covenant," which is some shit to do with warlocks and was directed by the man who brought us "Cliffhanger" and "Deep Blue Sea." Yeah, this is real high on my list. Get to it right after I take up yoga. And go scuba diving. And rip out my own toenails with a pair of pliers. And set myself on fire.
10. "Little Miss Sunshine." Steve Carell with a beard. That statement sums up my feelings about this movie. It's up to you to decode them.
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