Oscar Notes

I know I'm a little late on this, but here's some thoughts on the Oscar Ceremony:

1. Did you notice how when the ceremony started, members of the audience were standing up and applauding no one in particular? I know that award shows are supposed to be orgies of self-congratulation, but is there really any reason to be such cocksuckers about it? At least they got Errol Morris to do a cool little intro before the ceremony, though it took me a minute before I realized I wasn't watching a Mac ad.

2. So, Ellen DeGeneres, eh? Sure, whatever, at least she managed to go through most of the night without being terrible or making me cringe. Though you know it does not bode well for you as an award ceremony if Ellen DeGeneres comes off like a breath of fresh air.

3. Jack Nicholson looks like a penis. Just thought I would throw that out there.

4. So "Pan's Labyrinth" wins an assload of tech awards and is nominated for best screenplay but does not win the Best Foreign Language award? Fucking Germans.

5. I think I threw up a little bit when the words "interpretive dance" were spoken out loud.

6. So Jessica Hudson gets an award and Peter O'Toole gets the shaft again. Not that he really deserved it this year. I think at this point the Academy is just nominating him out of spite.

7. Celine Dion, WTF? What necromancer did they have to contact to get her to perform? And what exactly does she have to do with Ennio Morricone? I did like the way Clint Eastwood Alzhimered his way through his tribute. You could tell Ennio was impressed (for those not watching, through most of the ceremony his face looked like someone had just taken a dump in his breakfast).

8. Scorsese finally gets his Oscar, though it's for a film everyone seems to know is not his best work, which means it's more like an apology than an award. The best picture win is no big surprise, since it was basically a crapshoot (though "Little Miss Sunshine" didn't have a chance. You know the last time a comedy won best picture at the Oscars? 1977).

9. Acting awards went to people playing national leaders: a charismatic, homicidal cannibal and Idi Amehn, respectively.

10. Those fucking dancing penguins won an Oscar. If I had children, I would rather take them to a snuff film then have them see "Happy Feet."